Managing Expectations: A Holiday Survival Skill
Many years ago, it may have been my very first holiday after being married, I was preparing a meal and was determined to get everything right.
You see Paul’s parents were coming over for dinner, (a rare occasion), and I wanted to really wanted to impress them.
I had roasted a beautiful chicken, set the table just so, and was feeling pretty proud of myself.
All that remained was the gravy.
I placed the pan on the stove, watching it thicken into what I was sure would be gravy perfection. I thought it was safe to use a Pyrex glass pan. But it wasn’t actually Pyrex.
Without warning, the pan shattered—glass flying everywhere, splattering gravy clear across the kitchen.
In an instant, my picture-perfect holiday moment exploded right along with it.
And so did I.
I burst into tears. Full-on sobbing.
I was mortified when I tried to stop crying and couldn’t pull myself together. But there was no stopping it.
Everyone came rushing into the kitchen to my great shame!
Paul immediately jumped into action, cleaning up glass, trying to comfort and reassure me that everything was gonna be okay.
Then his mother, Margaret, calmly surveyed the scene and said,
“No worries, dear. I got this.”
She whipped out a pan, grabbed some drippings from the bird, and began making a brand-new gravy as if this sort of thing happened every day.
She saved the meal. She saved the moment. And sure enough, it became a story we laughed about for years.
That day taught me something I didn’t fully understand at the time: expectations can turn minor mishaps into emotional meltdowns.
Yet being flexible—especially when modeled by others—can turn the same moment into a cherished memory.
The holidays have a way of stirring up expectations, don’t they?
Who will show up?
Who won’t?
How will conversations go?
How will we feel when it’s all over?
Over the years, I’ve learned that when I keep my expectations lower, I become more flexible.
I’m less disappointed if a particular person doesn’t make it to the gathering that I really wanted to see.
And oftentimes, I’m pleasantly surprised.
Lowering expectations doesn’t mean lowering standards or settling.
It means releasing the illusion that we can plan out a nice or great time in our head and think it’s going to go like we planned. We cannot control people, timing, or outcomes.
It means choosing peace over perfection.
Holiday gatherings are prime territory for unpredictability.
Plans change. Emotions run high. Old dynamics show up unannounced.
When we expect everything to go “just so,” we tighten up.
When we loosen our grip, we breathe easier.
I also know this about myself: I love to laugh. Humor has saved me more times than I can count. Looking for the good in others—even when things go sideways—keeps my heart open and my nervous system calmer.
So, how do we actually go with the flow during the holidays?
Here are a few good reminders:
- Hold plans lightly. Make them, enjoy them—but don’t cling to them or you’ll have a hard time being flexible.
- Detach from outcomes. You can show up with care and intention without managing everyone else’s experience.
- Expect people to be human. Including yourself! Assume good intent in others whenever possible.
- Leave room for surprises. Some of the best moments are unplanned—quiet conversations, unexpected laughter, small moments of grace.
- Choose perspective over perfection. Ask yourself: Will I laugh about this later? Then I might as well laugh about it right now.
The holidays don’t have to run perfectly to be meaningful. In fact, imperfection truly makes everything more real.
Because sometimes, the moments that fall apart—like shattered glass and ruined gravy—become the stories we cherish and remember fondly.
“Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift.”
~ Mary Oliver
Thanks so much for reading to the end and staying with me.
I wish you all the merriest of holidays, and I hope you create more meaningful memories to remember for years to come.
Love,
Maureen 🤍
