Do you trust easily or is it hard for you?
I don’t know about you but I get so angry at all the scams constantly bombarding us these days, but I’ve gotten pretty good at spotting them and intuitively knowing who I cannot trust.
Now, scams are one thing, yet trusting people in your life is another.
I have a friend who is on a Board with a handful of others, and they do not trust each other. Yet. This is causing a lot of problems. But sometimes, getting to know and trust others takes time. It takes patience.
Trusting takes work
Some people are not consciously aware of how much work it can take to learn to trust.
In my leadership classes, we talk about trust, and it’s not uncommon for more than half the class to admit they don’t trust their boss.
I’ll be honest, it frustrates me when people don’t trust me because I know I’m trustworthy. Yet there was a time, before sobriety, that I was not.
Trust. It’s such a small word for such a powerful force.
When trust is strong, everything flows easily—collaboration, communication, and connection. Yet when it’s missing, even the simplest decisions become complicated. This causes anxiety with me if I feel like I can’t trust someone I work with.
We each have a unique relationship with trust. Some of that is shaped by our personality and past experiences.
Some of us are naturally trusting (I’m one of those) —we give others the benefit of the doubt and believe they have good intentions until they show us proof they can’t be trusted.
There are other types that naturally lean toward skepticism (are you one of them?), taking a “wait and see” approach before opening up.
Neither is right or wrong—it’s simply how we’re wired.
However, our history and experience can play a big role too.
For example, if you’ve experienced betrayal, trauma, or victimization in the past, it may be difficult for you to trust again because of the fear you’ll be hurt again.
If that happens, your brain may be wired for protection, not openness. The fear of being hurt or disappointed can override logic, making even safe relationships feel risky.
So how can we rebuild or strengthen trust—both in ourselves and others?
1. Start with Self-Trust
It’s hard to trust others when we don’t trust our own judgment. Start by keeping small promises to yourself. Follow through on commitments, even the little ones. Each time you do, you reinforce the message that you can rely on yourself. Confidence in your own intuition is the foundation for trusting wisely. It’s taken me years to trust myself because I’ve had a loud inner critic.
2. Practice Discernment, Not Blind Faith
Trust isn’t about ignoring red flags or believing everything you hear. It’s about being open and observant. Discernment is the middle ground between naivety and cynicism. Pay attention to actions more than words. Are people consistent? Do they show up? Do they own their mistakes? Over time, patterns reveal character.
3. Communicate Openly
Many trust issues arise from assumptions and silence. Clear, respectful communication builds clarity—and clarity builds confidence. When something feels off, address it early with curiosity instead of accusation. “Help me understand…” is a powerful phrase that can diffuse defensiveness and invite a conversation. If you assume and avoid, then nothing changes.
4. Be Patient
Patience truly is a virtue when it comes to trust. We can’t rush it, demand it, or fake it. It’s earned gradually through reliability, consistency, and compassion. If you’ve been hurt, give yourself time to heal. If you’re trying to earn someone else’s trust, be patient with their timeline, not just your own. The more we slow down and show understanding, the faster trust can grow naturally.
5. Remember: Trust Is a Living Thing
Trust isn’t static—it breathes, evolves, and sometimes it breaks. But it can also be repaired. When we’re willing to forgive, to stay curious, and to keep showing up with integrity, trust becomes not just a bond but a bridge.
6. Forgiveness Opens the Door
Humans make mistakes—it’s part of being human. Someone will forget, misstep, or say the wrong thing. And sometimes, those mistakes sting. It seems like life can be fraught with small, almost daily betrayals. But I find that if I lower my expectations of humans, I don’t have to carry the weight of resentment, and healing can begin. When we allow others (and ourselves) to be imperfect, we make room for growth and a deeper connection.
Rebuilding trust after disappointment requires courage, humility, and time—but it’s totally possible. And when it happens, the relationship that emerges is often stronger than before.
This has been my experience. I’ve seen it with my clients and thousands of recovering alcoholics that I’ve witnessed building back trust over the years.
“Trust is built when someone is vulnerable and not taken advantage of.”
— Bob Vanourek
When we cultivate patience, honesty, forgiveness, and discernment, we create environments where people feel safe to open up and contribute their best.
Reflection:
Who in your life could benefit from a little more patience, trust, or forgiveness today? Maybe it’s someone else—or maybe it’s you.
Let’s practice building bridges, not walls. Practice trusting and being trustworthy.
All my best,
Maureen
P.S. If you’d like to take the Everything DiSC assessment to find out where you fall on the trust continuum, the fee is $190 and you get a 26-page report and a full hour Zoom consultation with me to discuss and collaborate on your next best steps.
