Tomorrow, Paul and I celebrate 38 years of marriage.
Our story really begins 40 years ago.
At that time, we were both newly sober. We each had about ten months in recovery and were trying to figure out what life looked like without alcohol.
I was in Connecticut on vacation to visit my family, and went to a meeting where I met Paul.
Before we parted ways, Paul handed me a tiny mustard seed.
He told me it was a reminder to have faith.
I tucked the seed inside a heart-shaped locket that I wore around my neck and honestly forgot all about it.
At the time, I was living in Texas, thousands of miles away.
Several months later, I opened the locket.
To my amazement, the tiny mustard seed had started to grow! There was a little fuzz on it, and a root had sprouted.
I couldn’t believe it.
A seed that small had found a way to grow.
Less than a year later, I moved back to Connecticut.
Paul and I reconnected, and it was like fireworks.
We danced.
We talked.
And we fell in love.
Six months later, after a beautiful dinner, we were walking under a full moon over the Mystic River bridge, and Paul proposed to me.
I said yes. We were married outdoors in a beautiful park 15 months later.
That was 38 years ago.
Today, Paul is still my best friend, my partner, my greatest supporter, and one of my favorite people to spend time with.
We’ve created a beautiful life.
People sometimes ask what made our relationship last.
I don’t pretend to have all the answers, but I have learned a few things.
When I’m disgruntled, instead of taking his inventory, I’ve learned to look within myself for what buttons were pushed. My triggers. He’s not the cause of my discomfort, but he could be a messenger.
I’ve learned that listening with an open heart is more important than winning an argument.
I’ve learned that the lessons we refuse to learn or address have a way of returning when we’re ready to face them.
We’ve both worked individually on ourselves with our respective gender groups. And we’ve learned to accept the quirks in our partner. Those quirks made us good parents, unique individuals, and a devoted couple.
We are almost completely different people from when we first met. And it’s an incredible adventure getting to know ourselves and each other.
And most importantly, I’ve learned that love isn’t something you find once and then possess forever.
Love is something we nurture.
Just like the faith we have in our marriage.
Small acts of kindness.
Small moments of patience.
Small gestures of appreciation.
Small decisions to stay connected.
Over time, those tiny acts grow into something strong enough to deal with all of life’s challenges.
Looking back at that moment when Paul gave me that mustard seed – it was a small gesture about remembering faith and I appreciated it.
In fact, I planted it in my heart (literally!); it was so tiny, my faith, and now I have a pretty big tree.
The mustard seed was always about faith.
Faith in recovery and my ability to stay sober no matter what.
Faith in our growth. Apart and together.
Faith in each other. We do the next right thing.
And faith that something very small, cared for consistently over time, can become something extraordinary.
Happy Anniversary, Paul.
Thank you for 38 years of laughter, love, friendship, and adventure.
And thank you for the mustard seed.
“Great relationships aren’t built in grand moments. They’re grown through thousands of small acts of love.”
This is true about leaders as well. Listen. Learn. Love. It works.
