Dark Shadows
I remember when I was in like 3rd or 4th grade the show Dark Shadows was produced on TV and it was late in the day, like after school. My parents wouldn’t let us watch it.
A lot of kids I know watched it but not the Ross family.
We weren’t allowed to watch the Three Stooges either!
I grew up watching Star Trek, Ponderosa and Bonanza. LOL! (I know, I’m aging myself here.)
It was when the remake of the Dark Shadows movie came out a while back that I reflected a bit about the influences of the world around me as I was growing up. Then I was reminded again while on the podcast that came out this week because I shared that I rarely saw my parents argue or fight. They always seemed to be good friends in front of the six of us.
On the surface this is all good, right? Certainly I’ve heard many stories of the opposite of peace in the family. I mean I was protected from much of the darkness in my parents and also from the fear in daytime drama tv.
How did that affect me? When I got older, I had no role model for how to deal with conflict or have an argument. I didn’t know it was okay to be mad at someone.
Anger felt wrong. Negativity was frowned upon. I was told that I had a “bad attitude” all the time as a teenager (from a variety of authority figures) but I didn’t even understand what an attitude was! I learned to reject this part of myself. This manifested in very shameful behavior in my life when I lost control with drugs and alcohol.
When I got into recovery at 24, I knew I had potential for much happiness but I also had a lot of guilt and shame. I was aware of many “character defects” within me. I felt bad. And now I couldn’t drown out the negative voices. I had to take full responsibility for myself and the messes I had created.
What was really painful was admitting that I was human, that I made mistakes, and that I had a dark side to my nature.
I just wanted to be happy. But as an emotional being, I was NOT happy all the time. I couldn’t escaped these feelings anymore, nor did I really want to because I began to experience the joy of simply working through my emotions.
In time, I was able to own my flaws and even appreciate some of them because they had helped me to survive.
But as I learned to accept my emotions, I had to also accept my thoughts. And I didn’t want to accept them!
I became consciously aware of my inner critic (fondly referred to as Granelda, Cinderella’s evil stepsister), and I learned to accept this part of me and in a way, I was able to see this ego/fear/judger as separate but a part of me. It doesn’t really make sense when I try to write it out but I learned to treat Granelda like a visitor and I could request her to be quiet when she wasn’t being helpful.
On the podcast today . . .
On the podcast today, we talk a little about opening to and honoring even, the dark side of our nature. Because when we continue to deny and lock that part of us away, it’s like a ticking time bomb and you never know when it’s gonna blow.
My guest on the podcast is Marc Azoulay, a psychotherapist in Boulder, Colorado who helps men with addiction, anxiety and helps his clients to stop self sabotaging. The “saboteur” is part of your shadow.
Listen to this episode to hear Marc’s inspiring story and how he overcame his shame and learned to love his shadow. Click on the show notes for more references and books that will help you to heal and accept all parts of yourself.
All my best,
Maureen
P.S. We learned many survival techniques that helped us bare our pain in life and it was helpful to keep us safe. But those techniques rarely work well in adulthood. Trying to compartmentalize and hide your dark thoughts and parts of your personality will only make them grow stronger. What you resist, persists. If you are looking to liberate your shadow then bring it into the Light. I can help. Book yourself a conversation with me if you want to talk about how.
