Confidence is a state of mind and physiology matters too.
Over the past couple of weeks, we’ve been exploring something important.
First, how real change happens below the surface of the conscious mind.
Then, how stress lives not just in our schedule, but in our nervous system.
Today, I want to talk about something many people believe they either “have”… or they don’t.
Confidence.
For years, I thought confidence was something you developed over time through experience.
And while experience does matter, I’ve come to understand something much more powerful:
Confidence is not a personality trait.
It’s a state you can learn to enter. Yes, I can conjure a state of confidence. Like a wizard.
I’ve been listening to the new Harry Potter audiobooks, so I’m really into magic right now. But I digress.
Let me explain about conjuring confidence.
A helpful way to understand how our inner world works is this:
Think of your mind like a ship at sea.
The conscious mind is your captain, who sets direction, makes decisions, and tries to stay on course.
The subconscious mind is the crew. They run the daily operations, follow learned patterns, and keep the ship moving.
And the unconscious mind is the deep ocean underneath. It has powerful currents and creatures beneath that we are not even aware of, yet they influence everything.
You can train the captain and the crew.
You can’t easily control the ocean. Not to mention which way the wind is blowing.
Most people try to build confidence at the captain level.
They tell themselves, “I am a leader now, I must show more confidence. And after years of experience, I’ll be able to feel more confident. In the meantime, I will think positive thoughts and push through fear.”
But . . . if the crew knows that you have doubts, sees your hesitation, or that you are more intent on self-protection than that of the crew, the crew won’t respond the way the captain demands or would like.
That’s why confidence can feel inconsistent within ourselves.
You might feel strong and capable in one situation — and completely uncertain in another.
This isn’t a flaw in your personality.
It’s a reflection of learned internal patterns.
The Count of Monte Cristo
Paul and I recently watched the PBS series called The Count of Monte Cristo. I always loved that movie, so I was happy to watch the series.
If you’ve seen either one, you’ll know that while Edmond Dantes is imprisoned for a crime he didn’t commit, he is befriended by a priest during his internment and is taught many worldly skills.
While in this dire situation of lack, he learns to be a gentleman and is schooled in math, sciences, and finance. In his mind.
When he escapes the prison and returns to society, he steps into the persona the priest taught him to be. Only then was he able to practice in the physical world. Yet it was during his incarceration that he was transformed.
From a neuroscience perspective, the brain is constantly predicting and rehearsing based on past experiences. If your nervous system has learned to associate certain situations with risk or uncertainty, it will automatically activate protective responses.
Confidence, then, becomes less about “trying harder”… and more about learning a new internal response.
This is where deeper work becomes powerful.
When the mind is in a focused, relaxed state — whether through meditation, visualization, or hypnotherapy — the brain can begin to rehearse those new patterns. It can experience a situation with a different emotional tone. Those new pathways can be strengthened very quickly.
You’re not forcing a feeling of confidence.
You’re practicing it internally, which then changes your physiological state into one of certainty.
You conjure up a state of confidence, and then you own it.
I’ve seen this in my work with leaders, speakers, and individuals stepping into new roles. When their internal state shifts, their external behavior quickly follows.
They speak with more clarity.
They make decisions with more ease.
They trust themselves in moments that once felt uncomfortable.
Not because they became a different person — but because they accessed a different state.
Reflection for this week:
Where in your life would you benefit from feeling just a little more confident?
This week, I am also opening my calendar to 3 readers who would like to experience a complimentary hypnotherapy session focused on stress relief and building confidence. Reply to this email if you are interested, and after filling out a couple of forms, we’ll find a time. We’ll meet on Zoom for the session.
In next week’s newsletter, I’ll explore why we overeat, procrastinate, or stay stuck — and how these patterns often serve a hidden purpose.
Keep working on being the best captain of your ship, and your crew will fall in line, bringing you to places you never dreamed possible. I can help you train your crew in an easy, fun, relaxing way.
Warmly,
Maureen
