“You are a beautiful, courageous, outstanding woman.” This is the heading on the month of January for my 2017 calendar. It was gifted to me on my birthday last year from a very dear friend.
Our friends often say much nicer things to us than we say to ourselves. If you haven’t already done so, it’s time to become your own best friend.
By improving your inner dialog you can improve your emotional intelligence and this is an important skill to have in business today.
Emotional intelligence is not just a buzz word.
The concept of emotional intelligence has been around since Aristotle. He wrote:
“Anyone can become angry – that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not easy.” ~ Aristotle
Even back then, the great philosophers understood the importance of managing your emotions.
Some people have it to a greater degree and some people, well, not so much. We have all known a few bullies at work, yes? People who, when they are having a bad day, seem determined to pull everyone else down with them?
Leaders especially need to be in charge of their emotions! I want to help raise your awareness on this important topic. If you master it will improve every area of your life, I promise.
Emotional Intelligence is known as EQ (Emotional Quotient) and it is more than just self-regard or self-esteem. It is not about being nice or smiling all of the time. It is not about expressing every emotion you are feeling either.
A person with high EQ has the following qualities and awareness:
- Empathy: The ability to pick up on emotional and social cues and respond appropriately. The ability to read body language and non-verbal communication to understand others better.
- Self-honesty: The ability to know and accept your own qualities, faults, limitations and be able to recognize patterns of behavior that either help or hinder situations. (But don’t beat yourself up.)
- Consciousness: Recognize that emotions you may be feeling can get in the way of accurately assessing emotions in others. Be aware of when you may be projecting your feelings onto others.
The way you work on and improve your EQ is to:
- Manage your feelings. You can begin with positive self-talk. Tell your mind that you have great coping skills. Tell your mind that everything is okay and not an emergency. Accept that you have a choice, that you can make a difference, that you are an important part of the situation.
- Develop social behaviors. Respond to people’s needs instead of reacting and don’t take anything personal. When others are behaving or acting poorly it may have nothing to do with you. Build conflict resolution skills and be open to feedback.
- Identify and prioritize what is important. Understand why you may be feeling the way you feel and weigh your decisions based on what is really important. Separate your feelings with your reaction. You can still be angry but react kindly. By doing this, sometimes we realize we are getting upset over nothing and it’s just NOT important.
And now a few words about optimism . . .
“A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities; and optimist is one who makes opportunities of his difficulties.”
~ Reginald B. Mansell
I am an optimist but that was not always the case. It’s a fact that I was a very angry teenager and I had a bad attitude, especially with authority figures and with anyone who told me what to do.
I became a pessimist (poor me) from puberty right up until I was about 25 years old when I returned to my natural tendency which is to be happy. (yay!)
I had a life changing transformation when it dawned on me that I was in fact, my own worst enemy. I hated myself, who I was and how I lived. So I changed. And since then have persistently worked at being the best version of myself.
So I KNOW it is absolutely possible to transform your thinking and when you do that, your emotional intelligence will skyrocket and your life can be incredibly good.
Write down a powerful statement such as “You are a beautiful, courageous and outstanding person” and tack it on your wall or mirror where you’ll see it. It’s a simple way to be a good friend to yourself and an excellent leadership role model for others.
May all your dreams come true in 2017.
Making the best of it,
Maureen
P.S. Get a better handle on your thoughts and emotions so you can grow your EQ. It WILL make you a better leader and I promise it will affect EVERY area of your life. Contact me if you want to know more about how you can improve your EQ and thrive in your career.
