Beginning
I remember the first time I gave a speech in public. I was introducing myself in front of a Toastmasters audience of about 20 people and I was terrified. There were a sea of faces and my knees were shaking. My hands felt sweaty and my heart was pumping wildly. It was a little unnerving that everyone was looking at me and I was worried that I wouldn’t be “good.” But then I noticed that most of them were smiling and nodding their heads and I felt confident that they all wanted me to succeed. So I stood up a little taller, told myself I was in a safe place and I began.
I found that after a few more speeches, I kinda liked it so I kept giving more speeches and practicing to get better.
In case you don’t know, Toastmasters is an international organization where you can focus on your communication and leadership skills by giving structured speeches and holding leadership positions in the organization. I was a member for 10 years and I learned a lot.
I achieved the CTM (Competent Toastmaster) designation, then the ATM (Able Toastmaster) and finally the DTM (Distinguished Toastmaster). I won a variety of speech contests, coached many individuals and taught a dozen Speechcraft and Youth Leadership classes. I also held many of the club leadership positions and was an Area Governor at one point.
I tell you this because it’s a perfect example of how I had NO confidence in my speaking abilities when I started out and yet I gained mastery over the years by giving one speech at a time.
The first time you do anything you may not feel confident but there are ways you can boost confidence. The first step is to begin.
Manage Your Mind Chatter
For some people it’s easy to jump in and try new things. They seem to have a natural confidence. It may also be easier if you are younger because no one expects you to be perfect but they do expect you to try.
If you are a little older you may put more pressure on yourself to be good right from the beginning of trying something new and if it feels too risky you may not even try. We opt out because we don’t want to be uncomfortable.
What happens is that our minds can get into a feedback loop in fear, trying to stop us from taking a risk, for fear of looking foolish or fear of failing.
For 2 years I wanted to create a series of videos, The ABC’s of Professional Development, and it took me a while to convince myself that it was okay to simply begin. No one is perfect the first time out and I needed to start somewhere. So I did and it was “okay.” I got some positive feedback and I also evaluated myself and I know I’ll improve the next go around. I gained more confidence because I did not allow my mind chatter to stop me.
Trust in the Process
I went back to school when I was 41 years old. It took me seven years and I achieved an undergraduate and then a graduate degree. It was awesome but every time I started a new subject that I didn’t know about I felt nervous and unsure of myself. But then after a while I gained confidence with each successful course completion and I knew that I could tackle pretty much anything.
Then three years ago I left my corporate job and began my own coaching and training business.Did I know how to do it? NO!
Did I have confidence in what I was doing. Not really! But I went ahead and did it anyway because I’ve had enough successes in my life to know that I could do this too. And I wanted to help people know that they could do anything they wanted too.
Still . . . I’ve made mistakes. I accept it as part of the process. I had to change and I had to look at things differently. I’m still trying to figure some things out but my confidence is growing
I trust that The Universe will support me because that’s what I look for. I know that if I look for evidence I will find that I am supported. Just like I decided I was safe when I spoke to my first smiling audience and I trusted they wanted me to succeed. I believed that then and I believe it still.
Tools for building confidence:
- Begin: Begin with the first step and then discipline yourself to take action. Then take the next right action and keep taking steps toward the goal. This is the most important practice toward having and maintaining confidence – practice and taking action.
- Stand Tall: Manage your physiology. ACT confident. This will help you manage your state of mind. Hold your head high. Act like a leader. When you act confident your feelings will follow. If you feel and act scared and afraid you will not feel confident and you may spiral downward. Eat good food, meditate, get adequate sleep and exercise. This will help you manage your physiology and your state of mind.
- Manage Mind Chatter: Focus on your goal and managing your thoughts. It’s okay to assess your performance but it’s not okay to beat yourself up. If you tried something and think you did well then celebrate. If you did okay then own that. If you did poorly then simply look at what you can do better next time and set a target to improve. Don’t let your mind convince you that you shouldn’t try again. Don’t give up, work to eliminate negative thoughts and maintain a winning attitude.
- Model: Find a good role model who has what you want and do what they do. Act like they act. Model their behavior and be a role model yourself for those following in your footsteps.
Practice and Patience
Having true confidence and expertise takes time, practice and patience. It doesn’t happen overnight but it builds up over time. Still you can feel more confident instantly by acting as if you are so use this “stand tall” tool consistently.
By moving forward and taking consistent action, we WILL reach our goals if we don’t give up. After all those speeches I had the confidence to become a training professional helping leaders grow. I now run my own training company and I couldn’t be happier. Having confidence in yourself not only makes you feel good, it pays off in business.
Come on over to the comments and share what area of your life you are building confidence in and how is that working for you?
All my best,
Maureen
P.S. I still have a few openings in my 1-on-1 coaching program for those of you who are ready to catapult your career and your life forward to emerge as a leader of your destiny in 2017. Want to find out more? Get on my calendar for a free consultation on what are your next best steps for getting what you want: https://maureenrg.youcanbook.me
