One day on vacation . . .
I was walking down a quaint cobblestone street, strolling past the shops with doors wide open and appealing window displays. Paul and I were in Saint Augustine meandering around, just after lunch, and the weather was a perfect 66 degrees. I was feeling happy, content and grateful. I felt no need to buy anything.
A young smiling women called me over to her skincare shop. “Come on in, I have something incredible to show you.”
“No thanks.” I said.
She sounded so disappointed. “Oh, why not?”
I said “Because you’re going to want me to buy something.” And I chuckled.
She scoffed at that and said “Oh no, I just want to give you a sample. This will tighten up all those wrinkles around your eyes. Come in, come in!” She insisted. I felt a tad insulted but I was in a good mood.
For any of you that have been pulled into a situation like that, you know what happens next.
A little reluctantly I followed her thinking, what the heck, why not, I’m on vacation. She coaxed Paul in there too and pulled up two chairs for us to sit in. Then she dabbed a few drops of solution on her finger and applied it under my eye. She held up the mirror and asked me to witness the profound transformation of the skin around my eye. She talked about the excellent properties of the product and she shared the special today price of $550 for a serum that would last me 2 years.
I hardly heard any of it except the price. I was shocked.
Honestly, I didn’t see any profound difference on my skin. Yes I have some wrinkles. I’m 61 years old. I’ve earned them. She asked Paul to look and agree with her but he got up and walked out of the store. He had boundaries. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough but I didn’t want to be rude.
“I’m all set, no thanks.”
“But you deserve it!” She said. “Is it because of the price? I’ll give it to you this one time only $149. You deserve it. You deserve it.”
She must have said you deserve it about 8 or 9 times!
It was like she wouldn’t take NO for an answer and almost forced me to be rude. I began to walk out and she was like “No, no wait! We have to do your other eye first. You can’t be seen walking around lopsided all day.”
OMG! I just walked out. She didn’t respect my no. She didn’t respect my age. I’m giving you a short summary of the interaction but believe me, it was a hard sell.
She was pressuring me and I felt betrayed and disrespected. I also sensed her desperation.
I decide what I want to spend my money on. I decide how I feel about my looks and my skin, not her. I decide if I’m going to wear makeup or not. And I decide if I’m going to judge my appearance, not someone else.
Listen to and honor your ‘yes’ and your ‘no’
I realize she was just trying to make a sale but she didn’t know anything about me. And she clearly didn’t know anything about aging.
Yet, I think that probably many women do buy the product because they unconsciously need to prove to the salesperson that they DO think they are worth good skin care and they do want to look younger. Because that is what our society programs us to think. That looking younger will make us happier or feel sexier.
But I know my self worth. I do take good care of my skin. And I know that my beauty is found on the inside, not the outside.
Truthfully, the only reason I know this is because of the deep inner work I’ve done on myself which has taken a lifetime.
Don’t let anybody walk over your boundaries and I encourage you to honor your no and your yes. Making decisions this way will lead to a happier life.
I still find myself doing things to please other people but only when it pleases me. I do not betray my own values to make others happy.
This is also the way I do business. I never try and “sell” my classes and coaching programs to people. I offer my services and if someone is interested, we’ll talk about it. If they are unsure, I encourage them to sleep on it and listen to their intuition and make the decision based on how they feel. When clients have a strong “yes” to working with me, then I know they are ready to go all in. When a client feels “sold to” they may have resistance and it takes longer for concepts to sink in cause they are busy thinking about if the investment in themselves was worth it or not.
In the long run, it’s better not to pressure people when it comes to personal growth or try to control their results because then, somehow they may not take full responsible for their success or their failure.
Time to reflect . . .
Take some time to reflect today, on how much of your life and your decisions are made to please others. Are you putting yourself second? Or last? Where are others disrespecting your boundaries? Can you change that? Sometimes simply having a talk to explain what is making you uncomfortable and what you need from the other person is enough to cause a shift in their behavior.
Other times you may realize you are in a toxic situation, are being bullied and use a lot of your energy trying to defend, protect yourself or stay hidden.
These are usually signs of survival techniques learned in childhood. Recovery from past trauma and childhood is necessary to create better situations in your life. It’s been my experience that if you don’t review and heal the past, it will continue to manifest in your adult relationships. Book yourself a conversation with me if you want to talk about how I can help you with this.
On the podcast today . . .
My guest this week is Perry Gaidurgis and we talk about the importance of family recovery and how usually its the children of addicts that are the last to be treated.
Perry, clean and sober for over 40 years, is an educator, speaker, writer and film producer of Shattering the Silence, a film on the topic of this epidemic we call substance abuse disorder and its often co-occurring mental health issues.
He shares some amazing stories of family healing and provides suggestions and resources to help you and yours.
Cheers to learning to love all the adversity you’ve been through, the struggles you’ve conquered and the glorious wrinkles you have to prove it. You are beautiful.
All my best,
Maureen
