The Paradox of Vulnerability
Life is full of paradoxes wouldn’t you say? This idea that we are stronger when we show our feelings mostly makes me feel vulnerable not strong. Yet I’ve experienced that sharing my true feelings brings me closer to people. It has strengthened most all of my relationships. At least all those that appreciated honesty and authenticity anyway.
I think the reason why it feels counter intuitive to be vulnerable is that in our childhood, when we were vulnerable, sometimes we got hurt. So the natural lesson is that we learn to suppress it and not show how we really feel. We adopt defenses to survive. We learn to hide.
I think as adults we also worry that people will judge us if we open up too much. But I’ve seen over and over again that the more vulnerable and open a person is, depending on the situation of course, the more others admire and respect them.
I remember a weekend facilitator asked a group I was in to introduce ourselves and answer the question: “What don’t you want me to know about you?”
There were 7 other women at this workshop as well as the facilitator. The goal of the workshop was to improve our body image by creating a body cast of our own body and then turn it into a piece of art. It was freakin’ awesome and it was really walking the edge for me. I felt incredibly vulnerable!
Body Casting
When we all came together on that first day and began to get to know one another, I realized this facilitator was attempting to get us to bond as tightly and quickly as possible because in 2 days time we needed to be comfortable enough to all be naked together for the body casting event.
This is not a simple process but over the next 2 days I let down ALL my walls emotionally. It became clear to me that whatever secret I thought was shameful was nothing at all when exposed to the light of the acceptance we all carried for one another.
There was much that went on between group time and alone time which prepared us for the big scary day when we would all be naked for the casting process. Each woman took their turn on the podium as we all focused on meeting her needs during her specific experience.
It was strange for sure – but I felt safe. It was difficult not to feel anxiety when they arrived at my neck and began plastering my face leaving two holes for my nostrils. The whole process took about 40 minutes. And when the cast was sufficiently dried it was pried away from my body.
I felt incredibly vulnerable and immeasurably safe.
If you watch any Ted Talk you will see a speaker share their vulnerability and explain how they have turned it into a strength. These people from all walks of life are inspirational and motivational because of their stories. As humans we all have this inner child that is vulnerable and we want nothing more than to expose our fears and our weaknesses and be loved anyway.
Aren’t you always trying to get to the other side of your fear? And when you get there you experience a little miracle. That’s when the transformation occurs. We are courageous when we feel our fear and keep going anyway.
“Pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses our understanding” was a saying on the back of my husband’s business card when he was a substance abuse counselor. People loved and held on to his cards to remind themselves that it’s okay to feel pain and to be vulnerable.
Learn to Thrive
If you haven’t watched an inspiring movie recently, see “The Greatest Showman” with Hugh Jackman. The characters in that movie have oddities and imperfections but chose to be vulnerable and step out into the spotlight to be seen. Some loved them. Others attacked them. But in their vulnerability, they found each other and became a family. Then they had all the strength they needed. This is us.
It is my view that the purpose of life is to grow and expand. If we are still stuck in survival mode it is constricting and limiting and we will never thrive.
It’s okay to share your true self even when it feels vulnerable. In fact, this is the way to thrive. Be adventurous and find those that you can trust.
Take a step into the unknown.
Are you ready for a big leap? Perhaps I can help. https://maureenrg.youcanbook.me
